Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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