i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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