You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Drunk is not a location!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
