I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
