Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
