Jerry, you need to find god
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
