We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
