i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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