I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
