I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
