well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
