I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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