I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
