I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
