I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
