If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
