Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
