note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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