OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
