Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
