If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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