Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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