I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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