can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
