Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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