Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Randomize