i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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