Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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