I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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