worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
