I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize