I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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