FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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