just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
