I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
