Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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