He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
