I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
