i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i think my cat just said my name.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
