Having a random hookup so left but love u
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
