i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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