Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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