I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
