The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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