I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
