Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
