please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
