Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
