you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
