Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
