even my farts smell like vagina
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
