I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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