how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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