Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
