Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
