You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
