the day after is always just damage control
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
