Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
