We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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