I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
