every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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