Have you finally orgasmed yet?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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