fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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