My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
