Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
