You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have already put on my inside pants.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
