Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
