i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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