so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
