My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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