just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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